Re-balancing Reward

One of the hardest differences I am coping with between school and work is the change in reward and sacrifice structures. I, along with many of my peers, found college to be an immensely fulfilling and joyous time. While at times very hard academically, it could also be very hard socially. I learned to navigate the world in a manner that made me feel successful and happy. A figure I referenced heavily in this maturation was the triangle of academic performance, social life (and extracurricular), and getting enough sleep. The basic premise is by choosing to weight one point of the triangle more heavily, a sacrifice must be made to the other sides. There are strategies to combat the instability. Equilibrium is met by setting a fixed standard of success in each category and adjusting time dedicated to meet that standard, knowing that it is likely at least one side may be imperfect at any given time. If you can be more efficient in one of the sides it can help re-balance the triangle. For example, I would come home with a chapter of a textbook to study. If I was able to efficiently learn the material in a few hours, I could spend the weekend skiing with friends instead of being in the library. While the social side may take more time, is is the side for me that makes life worth living. I never desired to spend hours in the library, so I made sure to make that time efficient to get back to the fun things in life. If my grades started to slip I could always spend a bit more time in that side of the triangle to bring myself up. I can do this knowing eventually I would get back to my social life and sleep. There is inherent reward in the system in it returning to homeostasis. By finishing school work efficiently, spending quality time with friends, and getting replenishing sleep life can be fulfilling.

The corporate world throws this system a spin because the constant is no longer the amount of work but rather the amount of time spent working: 40 hours a week. This leads to two sides of a thin line. Efficiency is not met with reward but rather more tasks jammed into the week. Quality and creativity is questioned for its need when cutting corners could suffice. When you consider that work takes 33% of the day, it automatically throws the triangle into a predetermined state. 33% for work and 33% for sleep (getting the recommended 8 hours), leaving 33% for all the things that make life beautiful. No image better encapsulates this fixed nature than a message I receive weekly from HR: "We encourage 30 minutes each Wednesday to focus on your health. Maybe it is a walk this evening with the family, a healthier dinner, a 5 minute stretch break at lunch, hitting the gym before your commute, or sitting outside to enjoy the sunset with a book." Notice how each of these activities is outside of 9-5. That time is reserved for work and efficiency, not prioritizing yourself. Your work on yourself is reserved for your free time. Time outside should be spent re-energizing to return to work.

I am struggling to cope with this realization. On the one hand, perhaps a solution is to find work which meets multiple needs. It must be enjoyable and worth doing >33% of the time to help contribute to the weight of more than one side of the triangle. I am finding however that this may be an oxymoron. Work often comes with so many things we dislike, it is unlikely to have enough enjoyment to overpower the dread. There are people in the world who claim to truly find happiness in their work. To them I say congrats. I also think this is likely the result of their personal triangle being balanced differently. They have more weight in the work side than I (and I believe most) do. The quote from my HR representative highlights how this is knowingly impossible. There is not overlap for personal and work. Maybe work really is a task we can only only bear as a devilish payment for the enjoyment we truly seek.

Another mechanism would be to find work which the time is not so fixed. Freelance work or the ability to guard efficiency from the overlords in control of our time via a "healthy workplace culture." These both come with their own risks and trade offs mostly encapsulated by the fact that they go against the grain. Our society is setup to make this the path of most resistance. Odd then it seems to be the path to more happiness. Similarly to those who enjoy their work, some may say it is possible to find a company that values efficiency over time spent. Again I say congrats to those that have found that, and also question how true it actually is or how their triangles are weighted.

Pulling the triangle from an entirely external force is the aspect most driving in America: money. Wealth is powerful enough to all but erase an entire side of the triangle. Whether it is the desire to become wealthy or simply putting food on the table, it may require all of our focus to be on the work side of the triangle. For myself, I am grateful to be in a position where I do not strive for vast wealth, and putting food on the table is not worrisome at the moment. I do think about how making the choice to re-weight my triangle may lead to the gravity of finances to become stronger, eventually becoming a black hole which sucks everything into the work side. This is the risk you run going against the norm as we built our society to set a 9-5 as the safest option. Moving away from the norm may be the risk that is needed. As much as it can be a black hole sucking my life into darkness, it can also be the driving force to keep the triangle aligned. Humans are designed for survival. Our best innovations often come from times of desperate need. Perhaps I need a predator in my shadow to drive my own determination of what it takes to re-balance my triangle to make life fulfilling.

Of entirely different consideration is that our default setting is to hate work because it is monotonous, boring, and every bit the opposite of fun. Life is full of horrible things that must be done to survive and from the point of view of ourselves the bare minimum to survive is awful. We can instead choose to think not for ourselves and our immediate pleasure but how this fits into the universe as a whole. Our surroundings can be beautiful solely in the way they exist even as terrible as they may seem for any given point in time. I struggle to adopt this feeling. While I can accept the grace in struggle and tepid modernity, I find it still falls short of its potential. I can live with the fact that life sucks ati times. I also want to minimize the suck. The suck is a choice, even if it is a subconscious one. I can choose to find happiness in the suck, but I also can choose to find paths that reduce the burden of choice. I want to find a path in which the beauty is that the suck appears at random without will, not as a result of my own doing.